All
relationships have their ups and downs, and arguments are bound to occur. How
you handle the argument effects the aftermath. You can apologize, but you can't
take back something you said during an argument that hurts the person. Learning
how to keep your emotions in check and remaining calm can turn a heated argument
into a civil disagreement where the two of you are willing to hear each other
out and reach a...
compromise.
STEP 1
Step
away from an escalating argument. You may have to walk away for a few minutes
and take several deep breaths to calm yourself down. According to Cosmopolitan
contributor and psychologist Dr. Jennifer Baker, it takes up to 30 minutes away
from the person to calm down completely. With your head clear, you can come
back to the conversation more willing to hear the other person out.
STEP 2
Avoid
personal attacks. Keep the conversation focused on resolving the conflict and
not hurting each other further with insults. Don't start bringing up stuff from
the past or you'll never resolve the current issue at hand.
STEP 3
Choose
your words wisely. Arguments often escalate because of the words you choose and
how you speak to the person. If you start off saying something like,
"You're so selfish!" you can bet the person will become very
defensive and start bringing up your faults. Instead of calling him selfish,
tell him exactly what is bothering you, such as "I feel like we only watch
what you want to watch on TV, and I wish we could compromise, so that I could
watch some of my shows, too." Being very clear and specific about the
issue without insulting the person makes both parties far more willing to work
something out.
STEP 4
Let the
person speak. Give her direct eye contact and turn your body towards that
person so they know you are really listening and taking it in. Let her know
that you understand where she are coming from and that you want her to
understand where you are coming from.
STEP 5
Be
willing to admit fault. After you hear the person's point of view, if you see
where you may have gone wrong in the situation, say so. In return, the other
person will be more likely to admit his part in the conflict as well.
STEP 6
Find a
resolution you both will be happy with. At this point, you both should be calm
after hearing each other's point of view and accepting responsibility. Talk
about how to resolve the issue through compromise. For example, if the
situation is about hogging the television, suggest that the two of you
alternate who gets to choose what to watch depending on the day and the other
person's show can be recorded.
Tip
Move on
after the conflict is over and don't bring it up again unless the same problem
persists.
source by Zora
Hughes
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